Learning how to be happy and single was one of the hardest things that I had to do. After a terrible break-up followed by months of depression, I was able to break through and regain control over my happiness and my life.
To this day, I am thankful that I endured and eventually overcame the experience, because I wouldn’t be the person that I am proud to say I am today.
Here are the things that I learned that enabled me to become happy while single.
Other People Do Not Define You
Now that I was single and alone, I had a lot more time to do some self-reflecting. I realized that the biggest reason I felt so broken as a single person was because I felt incomplete.
I felt like an incomplete person because I relied on another person to define me. I lost my sense of individuality and became emotionally dependent on another human being to feed my self-esteem.
If they were not there to validate my worth, I automatically felt worthless.
The secret to overcoming this way of thinking is to simply reject it, because it is false. Nobody has the power to define who you are as a person unless you give it to them.
I started re-defining myself and re-building my identity in a way that only involved the things that I was in control of, and the things that truly gave me a sense of happiness and fulfillment.
Gain Confidence In Yourself
Re-building your confidence is a guaranteed way to raise your overall feelings of happiness.
When you feel truly confident in yourself you do not operate from a position of fear. You feel competent, you feel important, and this positive self-image naturally boosts your happiness.
The best way to gain confidence in yourself is to start to get to know yourself. Start spending time alone to discover your strengths and what you are good at.
Once you know what you are good at, start to strengthen this skill(s). You’ll find yourself getting better and better, and this is what nourishes your self-esteem.
I promise you that there is something that you are naturally inclined towards, and that you have the potential to become a master at, and maybe even direct it towards bettering the lives of others as well.
If you feel that you are not good at anything, discover something that you like, and start working on this. Find something worthwhile to you to direct your energy towards.
For more on this, read my article How To Find Your Life’s Purpose.
Setting goals is incredibly important for not only your self-esteem but for the direction of your life. People who do not consciously and deliberately set goals usually do not find themselves in a place where they actually want to be.
They may find themselves wondering, “How did I get here?”
It’s because they didn’t set goals, and they simply allowed life to aimlessly string them along. It does not have to be this way, you have the power to determine your destiny, you always have.
You might casually say, “I want to do something with my life. Maybe I will take a course or go into the medical field.”
But it is much more likely to become a reality if you intentionally set this goal by writing it down and actively commit yourself to it. Give yourself a very clear, specific picture of exactly what you want.
Goal setting gives you a sense of control, purpose, and momentum in your living. It give you things to look forward to, and it makes you hunger for life.
When you have this love for your life, chances are you’re pretty happy.
For more on goals setting, here is my video about it.
Engage In Activities That Boost Your Happiness
Happiness is not a random trait, and science has proven that happiness does not originate from external circumstances.
Happiness is very much a mental state of being that stems from within you, and it is actually moreso a skill that you can develop and become better at.
There are activities and daily practices that you can take advantage of that have been proven through studies to boost your levels of happiness.
For more about these activities you can watch my video about happiness here.
Re-vamp your viewpoint of being happy as something that you have to continually engage in and practice everyday rather than a set of outside circumstances or pre-ordained personality traits.
Recovering from a break-up, and learning to be happy alone is a process. It will take time and effort, but if you stay the course, one day you will realize that you have healed.
Stay the course, and do not lose faith in life and in yourself.
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