Compromising for a relationship is often seen as virtuous. However, there is a fine line between compromising and unjustified self-sacrifice. Although relationships are complex, there are specific markers that you can use to determine whether something should be compromised or protected.
A Guide For Choosing Your Compromises
There are things in life that should never be compromised, regardless of the relationship or situation. These things are sacred to you, and protecting them is necessary for the sake of your health and happiness. In addition, there are things in life that are often fought for that really are not that important.
It is crucial that you learn what is worth your time and energy–what would do you best to let go of and what you must fight for.
Things To Never Compromise
There are no acceptable circumstances that make it okay for you to sacrifice your self-worth and integrity. You are a valuable person who deserves to be treated in a manner that does not threaten your self-esteem.
It doesn’t matter if you have just met someone or you have been married for 20 years, if you are in a relationship that undermines your self-worth it is destructive to both yourself and possibly others that are influenced by you.
A relationship that causes you to doubt your value as a person is not built on love, is not healthy and in the long-run will not fulfill you. Some common indications that your relationship is damaging your self-worth are:
- Tolerating physical, emotional, or mental abuse
- Tolerating infidelity
- Tolerating unnecessary stress caused by your partner on a regular basis
Your Standards for a Healthy Relationship
We all have our own conception of what constitutes a heathy relationship, and we all have relationship needs that must be met in order for us to be happy. Sometimes our needs might be unrealistic or too demanding, but most of the time the things that we require from a relationship are reasonable and justifiable.
Some common and obvious needs that partners rely on one another for are:
- Emotional support
- Sexual satisfaction
You shouldn’t have to compromise basic relationship needs for the sake of your relationship. What is the point of that? Both of you should be aware of these basic needs and make it a priority to meet them for one another. You both will require some of these needs more than others, and it is both of your responsibilities to identify which ones you should be focusing on more based on each of your specific preferences.
If one need isn’t being fulfilled, it has the potential to eventually lead to the deterioration of your relationship. If your partner is not willing to address a certain need that you feel is not being fulfilled, it either means that he or she does not value your relationship enough to make an effort, or they simply aren’t capable.
Whatever the case, there isn’t much that you can do about your partner not changing his or her behaviour for your relationship once you have already asked them to, and you have to make a choice.
What you have decided to do with your life, what is important to you, and the person that you want to become are all elements of yourself that you should never have to sacrifice. The freedom to be who are is your basic right, don’t let any relationship take that away from you.
Despite the fact that parents often try to steer their children into a life plan that they feel is ideal, what you are passionate about and what you decide to pursue is ultimately up to you. Only you. It is wise to invite guidance and valuable advice, but the voice that you should consider the most is your own.
This concept also applies to relationships. Although it is important to discuss plans for the future in a mutually co-operative manner, you shouldn’t ever let anyone hold you back from pursuing something that you really believe in. That really means something to you. Not even your husband or wife.
Do not give up your passion for your relationship, there is no reason why you cannot have both.
Things That You Should Probably Compromise
Does it really matter who swept the kitchen floor last? Do you really have to win that argument? There have been many instances in which I have caught myself in pointless arguments and realized what a colossal waste of time and energy they are.
Petty arguments in relationships do not contribute to bettering one another. The only things they accomplish is creating negativity, and squandering energy and time that you could have used for something much more valuable.
It is our pride that causes us to engage in pointless and insignificant disagreements. Next time an argument arises, take a moment to assess whether or not it even matters. Most of the time, it doesn’t. If this is the case, this is a good opportunity to compromise.
This is a good opportunity to listen attentively to your partner’s point of view, demonstrate understanding and compassion, and actively solve whatever the problem is. All strong relationships are geared towards problem solving rather then problem creating.
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Your Pet Peeves
It’s normal to get annoyed by the random things your partner does. Leaving the toilet seat up, finding their hair everywhere, watching too much reality TV. Mine has a bad habit of never hanging up his towels after a shower.
Little things such as my examples are just that, little. In the grande scheme of things, they are not important. Instead of harbouring angry feelings every time I saw one of his towels on the ground, I just brushed it off and accepted it. I resolved that this is something that I can live with, because it really isn’t that big of a deal.
When someone does something to anger you or irritate you–especially if they are unaware if it–harbouring those emotions towards them is only going to cause suffering, especially to yourself. Bottling your emotions and holding grudges is very destructive, and learning to let go of the things that have passed or don’t matter is one of the best skills that you can cultivate.
Relationships require time, resources and energy. You must be willing to devote quality time and energy to your partner to maintain a healthy relationship. Spare time is a luxury, extra energy is another luxury. Expend it on your partner. Make the effort to compliment him or her, take the time to make your partner dinner or take her out.
These things are important, and you cannot neglect them. Give yourself away in the form of love, it will fulfill you, and it will come back to you.
Perhaps you will not be able to buy that overpriced sweater because you and your partner made a commitment to save enough money for a downpayment on a house. These are the good kind of sacrifices that build character.
By no means does this guide encompass all instances of compromising in a relationship, but it does provide a basic idea. Remember to have a zero tolerance for the things that you should not compromise, it’s never okay. When it is appropriate to compromise however, do so with love.
Determining what should be compromised and what shouldn’t be require a lot of awareness and thought, but the more you do it the easier it will become.
Is there anything else that you feel is a bad idea to compromise? Is there anything else that you have found makes more sense to compromise rather than fight for? I know that I have not covered everything. Let us know in the comments below.