Wedding vows are meant to be forever, but in reality, nothing in life is forever. Not even life itself. Sometimes the circumstances change, and it is necessary–it is O.K.–to change your mind about a promise you made years ago.
If you can hear yourself screaming, “I want to leave my husband” here are 5 valid reasons why it might be the best decision for you.
1. He Is Abusive
Abusive is a very broad term, it doesn’t just mean he is physically hurting you. If he IS physically harming you, leave immediately.
There is no negotiating with physical violence, you need to protect yourself, you come first.
Even if the abuse isn’t physical, emotional and verbal abuse can be just as damaging. I will provide some clarity as to what emotional and verbal abuse are:
Verbal Abuse: This type of abuse consists of someone using words to hurt others. If your husband has ever done any of the following, he has verbally abused you.
- Harshly criticized you
- Called you names
- Blamed you for no reason
- Yelled at you
- Made you feel worthless with words
If he has ever said anything on purpose, just to hurt you, that’s a form of verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is actually quite common; it often arises during arguments, and both parties are usually guilty of it.
One sign of a healthy relationship is the absence of name calling or verbal abuse during an argument.
If your husband is incapable of having a disagreement with you without verbally abusing you, this behaviour either needs to stop or you need to leave.
This is not something that you “just deal with”…living with someone who regularly verbally abuses you will lead to years of pain and suffering.
Emotional Abuse: Although emotional abuse is a little harder to define, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist and it doesn’t happen in relationships. Being emotionally abusive entails manipulating the victim emotionally to control them.
Usually your husband will either say or do something to you that will get you to react the way he wants you to. Here are some examples that I got from a Dr. Phil article:
- Using financial power to control you
- Threatening to end the relationship
- Purposely making you scared by looks, actions or gestures
- Not taking you seriously when you confront him about the abuse
- Emotionally degrading you behind closed doors, but acting lovable in public
- Not giving you love, appreciation, or approval as punishment
If your husband does things of this nature he is emotionally abusing you. This is not acceptable and emotional abuse is a valid reason to leave a relationship.
I’ve seen this many times with my friends. When your husband or boyfriend is controlling, he sees you as a possession.
You are not a person to him, you are an object that he owns.
This is a very dangerous dynamic to be a part of, because at the end of the day he doesn’t respect you as an individual.
Controlling husbands usually lead to abusive husbands.
Again, being controlling can consist of many behaviours. Some are obvious, and some are not-so-obvious.
Here are some classic examples of the controlling behaviour of a husband.
- He tells you what you can and can’t wear
- You have to ask him permission before you can go out somewhere rather than just saying, “I’m going out.”
- He assumes he is in control of your major life plans (e.g. going to school, going back to work) and does not take into account your input when making important decisions for the future
- What he says, goes. He does not make an effort to value your opinions or negotiate with you
- He tries to control other aspects of your life. Such as what you eat, your daily activities, what you do in your spare time, etc.
Being controlled is one of the most dis-empowering feelings you can ever experience, when you have no autonomy over your own life it is extremely difficult to be a happy person.
All healthy relationships involve giving your partner a level of freedom and control, of course there are mutual discussions for joint decisions, but it is a basic right in a relationship to be who you are.
You are not your husband’s property, and he has no right to run your life. Nobody has that right but you, so hit the road if he has his thumb over you.
3. He Is Isolating You
One of the most classic signs of being in an abusive relationship in the future is if your husband starts to isolate you. Again, this is about control.
When you have nobody to turn to, and no outside support, your husband will be able to get away with treating you poorly.
You won’t have anyone else to turn to when you need someone but him. If your husband gets angry when you spend time with friends and family, pay attention to that, this is a red flag.
4. He Is Constantly Cheating On You
Infidelity, in today’s modern times marks an unhealthy relationship that lacks trust and strength. A solid foundation of trust and honestly is required for a relationship that will bring joy and fulfillment.
If your husband has cheated on you once, it is not the be-all-end all. Mistakes happen, and many relationships have recovered from infidelity.
However, if your husband is a chronic cheater, who has done it multiple times and has made no effort to change, then it’s time for you to change and leave him.
Being cheated on causes deep, emotional trauma. It is very damaging to endure, and allowing someone to hurt you this way over a long period of time is detrimental to both your mental and physical health.
If your husband knows that he is hurting you and still continuing to cheat on you, he just doesn’t love you. It’s painful to come to this realization, but anyone who will purposely hurt you for his/her benefits does not care about you.
I had a hard time coming to terms with this reality when I was cheated on. But once I mustered up some courage to see things as they really were, I immediately left. Take a step back, and honestly ask yourself if you can deal with a life where you are frequently cheated on.
Here are 5 psychological signs that your husband is likely to be cheating on you.
5. He Is An Addict
Addiction is a terrible affliction, and anyone who has been in its grasp has lost themselves. You cannot have a healthy, joyful relationship with an addict.
Someone who is dependent on a substance is not capable of being in a normal relationship.
The last thing on an addicts mind is building a strong, lasting, healthy bond with you.
I was in a relationship with a drug addict, who was also clinically depressed. Things will get out of control fast if a mental illness or addiction isn’t being treated suitably, and it will lead to disaster.
If your husband is suffering with addiction, he needs to seek professional help. If he refuses to seek professional help, you need to remove yourself from the relationship. Y
ou being there is not helping him, it is only causing you to suffer and prolonging his addiction.
Again, I had to learn this the hard way myself. I stayed with an addict for almost a year before I finally had to guts to leave him, and as soon as I left he took action to get clean.
You do not have to abandon him emotionally. You can still provide support for him while he is recovering, you just have to leave the relationship and stop living with him.
Those are the 5 signs that your relationship is on a downward spiral and is headed for a catastrophe. Even if your husband is exhibiting just one of these signs, it still a valid reason to leave him. Life is too short to force yourself to suffer out of fear.
Be brave, and if you know you have to leave, take that leap of faith. As long as you follow your gut, and your heart, you will be o.k. Trust me on this, once I left my boyfriend, I became a much healthier, happier person. There’s no reason why you can’t become one either.
Feel free to share your comments below if you ever need any support with your decisions or your life journey.